Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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