I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
