Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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