Just mADE A PArabola og urine
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
