i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
