haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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