I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
