I feel great
I just peed on a car
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
