obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
