We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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