How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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