i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
