So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
