Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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