true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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