Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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