is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
