it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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