I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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