in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
