I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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