Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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