garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
