I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
