is your mom at the bar?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So much rum. So many feels.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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