Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
