oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
