I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize