Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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