Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
