I think I won the penis lottery.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
