oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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