I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
