I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
