I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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