That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
