My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
