I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
