You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
