i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
