I got chris browned last night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
