Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex on a dog bed..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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