haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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