Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
