just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
