Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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