I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
