I feel great
I just peed on a car
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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