idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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