spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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