By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
