i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Come on in and take your pants off
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