I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
