We won't sleep together?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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