I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
