Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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