**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
